Never Ever Ever

Never Ever Ever
Brad Choen

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Venting and Analyzing

This post is probably mostly going to be a vent. Sorry.
Lately I have been having mood swings from excited and loving life to wanting to scream, cry and die.
Part of my moodiness probably has a lot to do with the events I've been attending. I went to an anime convention with a few friends and was excited for that and did have a good time, but there were some complications as well. Some from my stupid tics and some were from unpleasant in counters with friends and fellow con-attendees.
I have three new tics (been having them a while) one is a high pitched squeaking noise. Another I raise my hand like I'm in class. And last the F word, (this doesn't happen often, just like the S word, but it does happen and is always followed with a 'sorry'. It's almost like its part of the tic.
I am attending a Tourette's get together in a few weeks and am very excited. When I'm agitated in any way my tics become more... enthusiastic! My therapist asked me to try something where I don't talk for a little while; to see if my vocal tics would at least calm down. Just as an experiment. I didn't try it yet, mostly because of my history with mutism. Silence is addicting and I don't want to slip back into my silent world.

I have been doing a little research for what my nameless disorder could be. I'm not sure if I mentioned before, but I have 3+ "possible diagnosis"
1) Tourette's Syndrome
2) Conversion Disorder
3) A Tic Disorder
4) Some Movement Disorder
I doubt it's a tic disorder as my Symptoms are Motor and Vocal and have been present for almost nearly two years
I also doubt it's a movement disorder purely because I have vocal tics also. And they are strong/loud/persistent and hard to ignore.
It can possibly be Conversion Disorder as the tics did appear during a traumatic and stressful point in my life, and I fit most of the signs and symptoms.
It has the possibility of being TS also though because the symptoms began before I turned 18, I had simple head, eye and arm tics and followed by simple vocal tics shortly after. Common signs. I also have OCD symptoms. Things must face a certain way (ie. the toothbrush and toothpaste must face forward and be located on the left side of the sink. Every time I pass the tree in front of my house I must knock on the branch seven times. If I make a mistake when I type or write a word, I have to erase the whole word then rewrite it.) things like that. And I MUST avoid the number nine at all costs. I don't even like wring that word here. It's stressful. I must do things in sevens. I must do things in sevens. I must do things in sevens. I must do things in sevens. I must do things in sevens. I must do things in sevens. I must do things in sevens. It lowers my stress levels enough to move on and distract myself.
Anyway, this is long enough and it's late. I need to get some sleep. I just felt the need so vent and analyze the information. If you're reading this and have any feedback at all, please feel free to comment. I don't bite!!! :)
Talk to you later!