I live in a world that doesn't make sense. One minute my body is under my control. Then I'll turn around and be twitching, barking and saying things that make no sense. And tapping. Always with the tapping!
My tapping has gotten worse, and gets on people's nerves. I wish I could explain why I do it, and explain how it's just as annoying to me too, if not worse. I describe it as an itch. Similar to a tic but a little different. The OCD is slightly easier to ignore but only by a hair. I don't know why I have to follow through with the tapping. Some nights I can't even go to bed without checking windows, doors and the stove and tapping them. I tell myself it's stupid and unreasonable, but it still goes on, and I can't ignore it anymore than if someone was sitting next to you whispering in your ear, 'check the door.' 'Tap seven times.' 'Did you leave the stove on?' 'Do it, do it, DO IT!' It's a wonder I haven't completely gone mad!
The only relief I ever get aside from sleeping is signing. Some people find peace in music, dance, acting; I find peace in ASL. If I am having a conversation in sign language, sign a song, or am practicing vocabulary and grammar, I don't tic and my anxieties seem to melt away. That's one of the many wonders of this odd syndrome. Though I'm not going to question it. :)
Though the question that keeps popping up in my head: If I was deaf and had to sign all the time, would is have ever experienced symptoms?
What a strange world.
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